This One Goes Out to All the Ladies… and Gentlemen
We are living in a unique time of global reckoning and atonement for the sins of sexual harassment and sexual assault, notably against women. Women are speaking up and speaking out. Names are being taken and demands are being made. It is a new dawn for feminism and female empowerment. I am all for it. But then, Lizzo sings, “Why men great ’til they gotta be great? I just took a DNA test, turns out I’m 100% that b*tch.” And the Bachelorette is declaring on national television, to cheers and applause, “I have had sex, and honestly, Jesus still loves me.” Now I’m a little lost.
I fully support female empowerment and gender equality. I come from a family of strong females: they speak honestly, feel strongly, and laugh loudly. For me, it all starts with my maternal grandmother who escaped from North Korea alone with her three young daughters. She subsequently immigrated to the United States, where she is survived by her four daughters (including my mother) and their daughters (including myself). My female cousins and I have all pursued professional careers in law, medicine, design, government, and engineering. There was never a doubt in my mind that women can do it too, even better.
But I was also instructed that women of God, like men, should demonstrate patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I was taught that there is happiness and fulfillment in preparing a warm meal for your family, in playing the supporting role for your husband, and in making sacrifices for those you love. As of late, these instructions feel anachronistic and even, dare I say it, anti-feminist.
The traditional ideal of a woman, modest in her appearance and quiet in her demeanor, is being torched as a relic of the rampant misogyny and disrespect that have brought us to this boiling point. I agree that gentleness and forbearance are commonly mistaken for weakness, and are fodder for evil and exploitative individuals. But I am not convinced that abandoning these character traits empowers me as a woman. In fact, I believe that these qualities give me strength as a daughter, a sister, a wife, and a mother.
In our present day culture, 1 Peter 3 often elicits heavy eye rolling across the room; “[w]ives in the same way submit to your own husbands…” But the passage goes on to say: “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” 1 Peter 3:3-4. Is this not the very essence of female empowerment?